Dear Emm…

Do you ever talk to yourself?

I can’t be alone on this one here. I talk to myself quite frequently. It’s usually when I am alone in the car complaining about someone who can’t drive or when I am winning an epic shower argument. (I work out all problems, fights, and discussions in the shower. If you have never tried it, I highly recommend that you do. I’ve solved many a problem in the shower.) But in all seriousness, there is some comfort in talking to yourself. One of the things I find myself saying quite frequently lately is “If only I knew then what I know now…”.

Growing up, I think we have a certain idea of what our lives will turn out to be like. We wonder what our future holds, where we will go, what kind of career we may have, who we may end up with. How many of us actually end up where we thought we would be? I bet a lot of us didn’t. When I was younger I thought I was going to be a marine biologist turned dolphin trainer who lived in Florida, in a beachfront house, with a husband and four kids. Well, if you have followed me since the beginning you will know that a part of this turned out to be true. A very small part.

In previous posts I have talked about failure and how its absolutely an option even though we have always been told it isn’t. I believe with absolute certainty that it has to happen. Failure can help shape your future, help you learn from mistakes, and lead you into the life you are meant to have. I ended up not being a huge fan of the sciences and focused more on the arts. So although I didn’t end up being a marine biologist I ended up in the career I am meant to be in right now. But not without a lot of failure.

What I wished back then is that I had the opportunity to look forward into my future to see if I would end up ok. So it got me thinking, what if I could write a letter to my younger self? What would I say? What could I tell younger Emm to help her through a hard time?

So I decided to write a letter to my younger self:

Hi Emm,

So it’s Emm. As in you, but older and pretending to be wiser. Now that I am an older version of you, there’s a few things I want you to know, first of all you’re amazing. You are beautiful. You are so loved. I thought I would make a list of things that may help you through life as you go through certain times and situations. I won’t tell you everything in detail because sometimes you need to figure it out on your own. But…here we go.

1. You are going to have your heart broken. I hate to tell you this, but it will happen more than once and by more than one person. But the good news is, it only makes you stronger and wiser. These will be relationships, friendships and even members of your own family, deaths of pets and family and friends. Your heart will heal, I promise.
2. Contrary to popular belief, college will suck. It will be a hard time for you but there is a lot you will figure out in 5 years. (Yes, you will be on the 5 year plan)
3. You are not fat. Ugh. I wish I could scream this one and have you hear it as a preteen. You. Are. Not. Fat. Don’t punish yourself for eating all of your favorite things, don’t stress about your hips hanging out of your low rise jeans. Don’t scrutinize every angle of every photo. Just enjoy eating the things you love, just do it in moderation. But please know that you are not fat. At all.
4. You will disappoint members of your family. This one may sting a little, but you will learn something called boundaries and they will be instrumental in your mental health.
5. You have anxiety. You don’t know it yet, but that’s what makes you feel nervous, have stomach aches, lose sleep, make you lose your appetite, make you moody, be introverted etc. But you will find an amazing therapist to help you cope and kick anxiety’s ass.
6. Every expectation you set for yourself will happen, just not how you thought it would. You’ll graduate high school, go to and graduate from college, get your first job, get married, get a house, have a baby. But there will be LOTS in between all of those things. Things you won’t expect, but will shape you into the person you are today.
7. Remember how you struggled in math your entire school life? Well, that will continue through college and your adulthood. Oh and a big one, all of your teachers lied to you. You will always have a calculator with you. It’s on your phone.
8. You will love Disney more as an adult than you did as a child. It’s a millennial thing, you’ll understand when you get here. You may judge the people that go multiple times per year, but you will one day wish you could go all the time. The amount of joy it brings you and your family is incredible. You’ll most identify with Rapunzel. Take my word for it.
9. This is hard one. You will have infertility issues. You think you will have a bunch of kids without issue. Unfortunately you will struggle and this will test you and your husband in ways you never expected, this is an important one to know. You’ll have a happy ending, a beautiful healthy baby, but it will take a while for you to become a mom. I won’t give away any more than that.
10. Your parents don’t know everything. You think they do, but they don’t. They’re going through life as parents without a handbook just like you will. I know you love them, and actually like them, but give them some grace in the future.
11. You will be told that you are dramatic. Own it. Your reactions are appropriate and you are a very passionate and emotional person. It will turn out that you are an Empath and it will explain so much of why you are the way you are. This is a marvelous thing.
12. You will do hard things, you will experience hard things and you will become the amazing person you are today.
13. You will be disappointed. A lot. You won’t win them all. You won’t get everything you want, but you will get everything you need. Trust me on this.
14. There will be a pandemic in 2019/2020. Buy all the toilet paper, cleaning products and hand sanitizer you can. Save it, you’ll need it.
15. Most importantly. You will turn out to be the wonderful Emm you are meant to be.

When the days are hard and you don’t know how you are going to keep going, know it will always get better. You will have hard days, hard times, hard seasons. You will make it through, I promise.

Keep on being Emm.

Love, Emm

Now that I have shared my letter to myself with you, what would you say to your younger self? Sometimes it can be very cleansing to pretend you are talking to little you and reassuring yourself that in the end, everything will be ok. I think it’s important to remember that deep down we are all just bigger versions of our inner child. Sometimes we get hurt and have a hard time growing past a certain situation. If you could go back and hug and reassure your little self that everything is ok, what would you say?

Be the person you needed when you were younger.

XO
Emm