“Failure is not an option”, is a lie.

I am sure you have heard the phrase, “failure is not an option”. You’ve heard it in movies, from your parents, maybe even your manager. We are told that you must absolutely never fail, at anything. EVER.

I disagree. Failure is essential. Please don’t come for me when I say this. Failure has to happen, we all must experience it at some point in our lives. Although it goes against our better judgement, we have to let kids fail too. If you aren’t failing, are you learning?

This past year has been such a failure on such an epic scale. It’s brought a lot of things to light and forced many of us to evaluate our everyday lives. It’s very easy to slip into a “why me” mindset so I challenge you to think, what can this failure or lesson teach me?

I was brought up to do everything in my life in “order”. So for example, complete school, graduate, get into college, graduate from college, get a job, get married, get a house, have babies; it was all to be done in that order. But what about everything else in between? What I didn’t know is that there will be points in my life where I would have wins but also times I would fail. We are all conditioned to believe that failure is wrong, failure can’t happen, if you fail; something is wrong with you. I am here to tell you, my failures have shaped me and continue to shape me into the person I am today.

My first major failure was devastating. I was in college and I had no other plan than to be an interior designer. I had no other option or back up plan. In order to get into the design program I was planning to be in, I had to complete my first and second year undergrad prerequisites before applying. There was a long and elaborate test, submittal and application process that was to be reviewed by an internal review board. I was beyond nervous and stressed. Once I turned everything in, that’s when the waiting game began. I saw some of my classmates get their rejection letters, but I didn’t. They always sent out the rejections first. I thought for sure that meant I got in! Then the rest of my classmates that got in had received their acceptance letters. But I never received mine. Was my address wrong? Did it get lost like Clark Griswold’s bonus of being enrolled into the jelly of the month club, did? Where was mine? Panic set in. I ended up calling the admissions office to ask where my letter was, only to be told in the most dismissive way that I did not get in.

What.
How?
I had no other plan.
Dejected and devastated I slumped into a period of despair. What in the entire world was I going to be now?

I found out through one of my advisors that there was another program established at one of the other colleges at my university. It was a great option for those that didn’t get into the school of art’s design program but was available to those that still wanted to focus on interior design as their major. I was disappointed, it wasn’t my original, plan but I decided to enroll and try it. It turns out, it was the best choice I could’ve made for myself and for my future. This was going to be the launching pad to my current career track, I just didn’t realize it at the time.

I have seen failure in other areas of my life as well, like friendships. I’ve learned not to go head first into friendships with the idea that best friends are forever, because most just aren’t. I believe that certain people will cross your path at a time you need them most. Some are meant to always be a part of your life story and others are just there for a chapter or two. But relationships are meant to help us grow and become the people we are. Sometimes friendships have to fail to help you realize who you do or don’t want to be.

I reflect on last year and my own job. I entered into a new position in 2019 and fully expected to have a banner year in my new role. I was so very wrong. Covid hit and everyone’s worlds were completely turned upside down. My career is in sales and the industry I am in took a hard hit. My numbers have been less than stellar and there’s not been a ton I can do. I have talked before about circle of control and focusing on what part of a situation you are in control of. Covid really threw my world upside down. I have had a failure of a year that really was out of my control. A lot of people in my industry lost their jobs. Thankfully I am still employed (and very much hope to continue to be) but have been challenged with how we do business. This pandemic has forced me to change my mindset of how I have always done my job. It has forced me out of my comfort zone, which in all reality has been positive. I have focused on what I can control and put my efforts there. It has also forced me to ask for help. I have always been one to just do it myself, but I’ve learned this is a different time and asking for help is acceptable.

I didn’t think failure in these instances was an option, as it turns out, as messed up and backwards as it sounds, they all had to happen. It seems like recently a lot of those around me are going through failures of their own. Failures come in all sorts of surprising and unwanted ways. It can show its ugly face as a job loss or personal business loss, the ending of a relationship or divorce and even addiction. Failure is a hard pill to swallow but it is a necessary evil.

So why am I making a big deal about this? Because we all fail. Every single one of us. Failure is going to happen no matter how much you try to control every aspect of your life. But failure also has to happen. Some of you may be parents and try very hard to protect your kids from failure. Don’t. You need to let them fail. Be there to pick them up and support them after they do, but please allow them to fail. Don’t set high expectations that set them up for failure and you to be disappointed. Let them be themselves and let them fail.

Reflect on the failures in your life and think about what they have taught you. Are you proud of them? You should be. You are still here and you are the you that you are supposed to be.

Failure is ok. Failure is always an option. Just don’t get stuck in your failure, learn and always continue to grow. Failure isn’t always a bad thing, sometimes it launches you into bigger and better things. Sometimes it places you exactly where you are meant to be. As the old saying goes, when one door closes another one opens. If it doesn’t, break a window or tear down a wall yourself.

Continue to fail. But always be amazing at it.

XO
Emm