So I have anxiety. That may shock some, but others are like, um yes, Emm we know.
I love when people try to tell me that they don’t have anxiety. You earn an immediate eye roll from me.
Let me let you in on a little secret: everyone has anxiety whether you want to admit it or not. Anxiety is the body’s natural fight or flight response. According to medicalnewstoday.com, “Anxiety is a normal and often healthy emotion. However, when a person regularly feels disproportionate levels of anxiety, it might become a medical disorder.” Sometimes it is just a tad more heightened in some individuals. I say a tad like its nothing. It’s not nothing. Anxiety can be downright scary and awful.
For years I didn’t know what it was, why I would feel dread, panic, have stomach aches that couldn’t be explained, fret over the simplest things, be moody at times, even have sleepless nights. I tried to hide it, mask it, and use excuses, until one day I had a full blown anxiety attack in my twenties. I thought I was dying, turns out I wasn’t but it still was one of the scariest things I have ever physically experienced. I had been in an incredibly toxic job and was going to put my resignation in that morning. As I was getting ready for the day I started to feel extremely lightheaded. That led to my hands going numb, my face losing feeling, my heart racing, being so hot I felt like I was going to puke, then shaking like I was freezing and finally, me hyperventilating. I screamed for my husband because I literally couldn’t stand up, let alone breathe. He got me to lay down and took one look at me and said “Emm, you are having an anxiety attack.”
No way. I was dying. I was having a heart attack or a stroke. I don’t have anxiety so there is no way I was having an anxiety attack. UMM. Ok, Emm.
I somehow managed to get ready that morning. I don’t remember any of it. I drove to work that morning, yet I don’t remember my drive there at all. Scary. The first thing I remember after my attack was handing my resignation letter to my manager and trying to concentrate on not passing out or having my hand shake uncontrollably. What I didn’t realize then was that my body’s response to all the trauma and toxicity I had experienced for years was culminating into that one moment of finally releasing myself from the personal hell I had endured for so long. My body literally went into flight mode.
It took me days to feel normal. I felt like I was in a haze and just going through the motions. I didn’t understand what happened. I couldn’t comprehend it. If it weren’t for my husband working through his own anxiety I don’t know if I would’ve recognized that this was a part of me. I had no clue that anxiety could bring on physical symptoms until I felt them all in one instant. I wondered what other things were contributed to anxiety? I needed to figure out a way to cope.
I will be very honest, it took years for me to learn to properly manage my anxiety. The stigma of mental illness makes people like me hide in the shadows and try to silently deal with things like this. Why is it such a faux pas to have a therapist or be on medication? Your mental health is as, if not more important than your physical well-being. In fact, I learned that mental health and well-being directly attributes to your physical health. I think it’s important to know that having a therapist or being on medication is just like treating any other illness. If you had cancer, wouldn’t you see an oncologist and do chemo or radiation as a treatment? I assume the answer would be yes. Then why are we so scared of addressing mental health?
I think it is ingrained in us at a young age to not call things what they are. I remember being nervous about something at school and having a very weird stomach ache and being told its just butterflies. So, just so we are clear here…”butterflies” are a physical symptom of anxiety. I have always been a worrier, I have always been emotional. Now that I am older I understand how anxiety has played into every aspect of my life.
So why am I being so open about this part of my life? Well, for starters I don’t think enough people are. If I can help one person by sharing my stories then I have done enough. I want to be part of the generation that changes what is a stigma to what is accepted. I also want to share what has worked for me, as it may be helpful to someone reading this. I didn’t have the resources when I was younger to figure out how to help myself. I want to be that resource for someone.
Some of the things that have helped me cope and manage my anxiety are:
- My therapist. She is amazing, keeps it real and knows me well enough to know when I haven’t fully shared the entire story of what’s going on. She also is a shining light and has given me the tools to cope in moments of stress and anxiety. Find yourself a therapist, it may be one of the best things you do for yourself.
- I know my triggers. This is something that has taken me a while to identify and will probably be an ever changing list. Some examples of triggers (but not necessarily mine) can be things such as, large crowds, loud noises, fear of rejection, public speaking, air travel, things you can’t control and even your family, just to name a few. Honestly the list can be endless.
- My boundaries. I wrote about this in my last post. https://emmbeingextra.com/2021/01/28/no-is-a-complete-sentence/ Boundaries are so important, especially for those that deal with and suffer from anxiety. Know what your limits are, as things that push them will trigger your anxiety. Be ok with saying no.
- Practice grounding techniques. When I am feeling especially anxious I will do breathing exercises by doing the 5 in 5 out rule. Breathe in 5 seconds and breathe out 5 seconds and do that 5 times. It’s amazing what your breath can do. I also will focus on absolutes. Look around you and tell yourself things that are absolute, like the sky is blue, the grass is green etc. It helps your brain to redirect and not focus on the rabbit hole it may be venturing down.
- Talk about it and get it out. I have to talk about things. I have learned that keeping things bottled inside only makes me feel like I am going to explode. This is a major reason I have a therapist. I enter the safe “no judgement zone” and get things off my chest. I also am surrounded by amazing friends who are excellent listeners and advice givers. I will say, if you want to talk about what’s going on in that brain of yours, make sure you find safe people to talk to. Nothing is worse than having someone you want to rely on but then use your anxiety against you.
- I write. Part of the reason I started this blog is to write about things like this. I know some that journal first thing in the morning. I also have a gratitude journal. I started the year with a fresh journal and I try to write in it daily. If I am having a moment I try really hard to focus on what I am thankful for. This helps change my mindset for the day.
- Focus on your circle of control. This is so important for me to remember. I actually tell people within my inner circle this on a daily basis. You can control so very little in your life. Focus on what you can control. Usually its what you can directly affect in a situation, but most importantly your reaction to a situation. This helps to ground me when I am starting to spiral.
I am not a therapist. But I am an expert in my own anxiety. If you are experiencing anxiety of your own and haven’t yet got help, I encourage you to do so. These things may not help everyone but it is what works for me. I still struggle with anxiety and I know I always will. Sometimes I can feel it creeping in and other times it’s an instant trigger I wasn’t expecting. The after effects of an episode or attack can last days. That’s why I do what I can to manage. I like to always be prepared and am not a huge fan of surprises so I can get triggered with a bout of anxiety pretty easily.
If you are the start of your mental well-being journey, I applaud you for taking the initiative. As always, start small. Your journey is unique to you. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you aren’t important. Do what is best for you and put yourself first. You deserve it!
Anxiety sucks, but it doesn’t have to suck the life out of you.
XO
Emm
Emm Being Extra 